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Nicole da Roza.
I went on an official date with a guy the other night. I say official because we have only ever had a physical relationship (if you know what I mean.) And where did we meet? The Space, as in MySpace. Before judgment is passed, we met through a mutual friend and it happened to be through MySpace instead of face-to-face. Welcome to 2009, people.
Anyways, this guy, let’s call him Boy No. 234? No, that is too mean. He isn’t just a number. Let’s call him Kevin. So I had no intention to just bang Kevin, but it ended up that way. He was cute. Can you blame me?
And this is why I should be paying for therapy.
In my defense, Kevin is closer to my age and well, he just isn’t quite there yet maturity wise. But he was definitely a good one night stand. Well, he had the potential to be one — you can figure it out.
So finally Kevin asks me out. Although hesitant, I agree. I’m thinking free dinner, drinks, lots of drinks and then sex. Sweet! I’ll even shave my legs!
I actually started getting excited about this date. I mean, we (as in ladies) overlook so many men because they don’t have a job or own a car. Or because they play World of Warcraft online.
The Date
The beginning of the date was pretty awkward. I wanted to say, “Screw it, take your clothes off.” But I refrained and kept my clothes on. What I wasn’t prepared for was the disaster the night turned out to be. I knew it would be weird but I was going to give Kevin the benefit of the doubt. If he has potential in the bedroom, then maybe Kevin has potential to be my boyfriend.
credit to Cyanide and Happiness.
The first red flag of the night was when Kevin made a joke about opening the door for me. Granted, I am an independent woman. I make that dough; I have a car and my own apartment. I do not need a man to take care of me. But you know what I would like? A man to take care of me by opening a door or two. It has nothing to do whether I am capable or not; it has to do with whether you are a jerk or not. So guys, keep that in mind. If you really want to get in a girl’s pants, take a shower beforehand, wear a clean shirt and open the door for her. Oh, and the date gets better friends! I had to pay for half of my dinner. Granted, I didn’t have to. I could have sat there and stared at him and not even budge but him picking up the check and saying it was expensive, I felt the need to throw cash in his general direction with the fakest smile I could plaster on my face. When really I was thinking, “You live at home, you don’t go to college, you only work and play video games. And you can’t afford Applebee’s?”
Ouch.
The Real Dirt
Even though I knew Kevin and I would not work out as a couple and I knew there would never be another date, I was going to get some good sex out of this evening. In fact, I knew I was going to get great sex out of this evening. To spare you some time and the nonexistent foreplay, I will get to the interesting part.
So Kevin and I start having sex. I was enjoying myself. And what happens next? Kevin asks a question that instantly triggers about a million different answers in my mind. You don’t want to do this during sex by the way, gentlemen – especially with women. Some of us may be ‘freaky as hell’ in the bedroom, but for you to ask for something that is completely out of the norm or just simply something you two have never done before together while you are inside her, is never a good idea. We, as women, could convince you to marry us while you are inside of us but unfortunately, that doesn’t work both ways.
He says, “Can I cum in your mouth?”
I can hear the clock ticking. I become aware of how sweaty I am. I remember how I had to pay for my own dinner. Let me just put this simply: I am down for new things. But honestly, you should feel lucky Kevin that I even put your penis in my mouth. It’s true, men. Blow jobs are not a requirement. And if you never reciprocate, just forget you ever had a penis. But then to ask me to do something like that after how the night went, I don’t think so. Plus, I typically have to really be in love with the guy to even do that sort of thing.
I’m hanging out there, while he is still inside me, and I am trying to think of a way to say “hell no” without offending him. So instead I just act like I am really into the current grinding, even though most concentration is gone, and say “no” all cutesy-like. And seriously, please don’t ever make me act cutesy. I don’t want to be cute. I want to be sexy. And saying no is not at all sexy.
So long story short, we won’t be “enjoying” each other’s company anymore.
But this whole situation brought up some serious questions for me. Do men these days really expect us to open our own doors, pay for our own meals and then expect us to act like a porn star in the sheets?
87 Comments
2010-03-03
10:09:46
@ audio_head
If you are worried about a girl needing incentives, you either need to work on your confidence or she is the wrong girl to go on a date with.
2010-02-17
10:13:46
I HATE girls who expect me to pay for their dinner and drinks, as though i have to give them an incentive to come on a date with me.
2010-01-22
09:47:40
you act as an independant woman who brings in a descent amount of money, by the sounds of it you have much more money than him, and, an independant woman cant open a door? ok being polite is one things, but if ONE door is not opened you complain? the comment you made first "welcome to 2009 people" meaning, i guess, this is the future, live with it, or somehting along these lines... i suggest you take your own advice.
2009-08-11
05:31:26
So you are an independant woman & you get the arse when blokes don't pay the entire bill?
Jesus wept.
And the whole opening a door fiasco? Give me a break. His card was obviously marked long before the meal had even started...
Get over yourself love. No wonder your single with pent-up issues like you have showed here.
2009-08-11
05:31:26
So you are an independant woman & you get the arse when blokes don't pay the entire bill?
Jesus wept.
And the whole opening a door fiasco? Give me a break. His card was obviously marked long before the meal had even started...
Get over yourself love. No wonder your single with pent-up issues like you have showed here.
2009-08-11
05:31:26
So you are an independant woman & you get the arse when blokes don't pay the entire bill?
Jesus wept.
And the whole opening a door fiasco? Give me a break. His card was obviously marked long before the meal had even started...
Get over yourself love. No wonder your single with pent-up issues like you have showed here.
2009-05-05
18:15:53
I agree with Matija about the equality thing.
I have guys act surprised when I automatically open the door(if I got there first because I normally walk quickly)and wait for them to go through. Whoever gets there first can show deference to the person they are with by cutting out the work of another door yank, but guys ALWAYS deferring to women? It's one of the weirdest social customs I've come across. Also, if it actually impedes the second person, it's #$&*^#&ing annoying.
I also pay for my own food/drinks. I guess there could be some leeway if one person asked the other out to something unexpectedly, but, if BOTH parties are looking to go out, why does the guy always pay? Consider that he has to work as hard as you do to make that $30. What? Are women of a different social class (either above or below a man), and men have to PAY to get to know us?
Personally, a guy's sexiness is in being human, like me.
2009-05-05
18:15:53
I agree with Matija about the equality thing.
I have guys act surprised when I automatically open the door(if I got there first because I normally walk quickly)and wait for them to go through. Whoever gets there first can show deference to the person they are with by cutting out the work of another door yank, but guys ALWAYS deferring to women? It's one of the weirdest social customs I've come across. Also, if it actually impedes the second person, it's #$&*^#&ing annoying.
I also pay for my own food/drinks. I guess there could be some leeway if one person asked the other out to something unexpectedly, but, if BOTH parties are looking to go out, why does the guy always pay? Consider that he has to work as hard as you do to make that $30. What? Are women of a different social class (either above or below a man), and men have to PAY to get to know us?
Personally, a guy's sexiness is in being human, like me.
2009-05-05
18:15:53
I agree with Matija about the equality thing.
I have guys act surprised when I automatically open the door(if I got there first because I normally walk quickly)and wait for them to go through. Whoever gets there first can show deference to the person they are with by cutting out the work of another door yank, but guys ALWAYS deferring to women? It's one of the weirdest social customs I've come across. Also, if it actually impedes the second person, it's #$&*^#&ing annoying.
I also pay for my own food/drinks. I guess there could be some leeway if one person asked the other out to something unexpectedly, but, if BOTH parties are looking to go out, why does the guy always pay? Consider that he has to work as hard as you do to make that $30. What? Are women of a different social class (either above or below a man), and men have to PAY to get to know us?
Personally, a guy's sexiness is in being human, like me.
2009-05-04
22:13:04
Look, you're not Sarah Jessica Parker, this is not New York, and sadly you're not very witty. Swing and a miss, good luck next time.
2009-05-04
22:13:04
Look, you're not Sarah Jessica Parker, this is not New York, and sadly you're not very witty. Swing and a miss, good luck next time.
2009-05-04
22:13:04
Look, you're not Sarah Jessica Parker, this is not New York, and sadly you're not very witty. Swing and a miss, good luck next time.
2009-05-03
20:44:46
Um, let's not box all males together based on just one comment.
For the record, I'm male and I didn't call her a slut nor do I think
there is anything wrong with a female being sexual.
I also respect Nicole because an open, honest blog like this takes a lot of courage. I couldn't do it.
But, I do think chivalry is chauvinist. I see no point in opening doors or paying for dinner. That doesn't sound like being equals.
2009-05-03
20:44:46
Um, let's not box all males together based on just one comment.
For the record, I'm male and I didn't call her a slut nor do I think
there is anything wrong with a female being sexual.
I also respect Nicole because an open, honest blog like this takes a lot of courage. I couldn't do it.
But, I do think chivalry is chauvinist. I see no point in opening doors or paying for dinner. That doesn't sound like being equals.
2009-05-03
20:44:46
Um, let's not box all males together based on just one comment.
For the record, I'm male and I didn't call her a slut nor do I think
there is anything wrong with a female being sexual.
I also respect Nicole because an open, honest blog like this takes a lot of courage. I couldn't do it.
But, I do think chivalry is chauvinist. I see no point in opening doors or paying for dinner. That doesn't sound like being equals.
2009-05-03
15:48:38
I agree with Katie.
I find it extremely hilarous that the people leaving the comments calling Nicole a "slut" are male. Personally, these males are probably the type of guy Kevin is and therefore, do not recognize how un-gentlemen like their behavior is.
And secondly, I find it amusing that in the 21st century, women still cannot have casual sex without being called a slut. This is a behavior that males have been acting on for years now, but now, that some women are comfortable enough with their own sexuality and talking about it, people in our society are still uncomfortable with this.
I give Nicole all the credit in the world for being comfortable enough with her sexuality to share her opions in such a public way.
2009-05-03
15:48:38
I agree with Katie.
I find it extremely hilarous that the people leaving the comments calling Nicole a "slut" are male. Personally, these males are probably the type of guy Kevin is and therefore, do not recognize how un-gentlemen like their behavior is.
And secondly, I find it amusing that in the 21st century, women still cannot have casual sex without being called a slut. This is a behavior that males have been acting on for years now, but now, that some women are comfortable enough with their own sexuality and talking about it, people in our society are still uncomfortable with this.
I give Nicole all the credit in the world for being comfortable enough with her sexuality to share her opions in such a public way.
2009-05-03
15:48:38
I agree with Katie.
I find it extremely hilarous that the people leaving the comments calling Nicole a "slut" are male. Personally, these males are probably the type of guy Kevin is and therefore, do not recognize how un-gentlemen like their behavior is.
And secondly, I find it amusing that in the 21st century, women still cannot have casual sex without being called a slut. This is a behavior that males have been acting on for years now, but now, that some women are comfortable enough with their own sexuality and talking about it, people in our society are still uncomfortable with this.
I give Nicole all the credit in the world for being comfortable enough with her sexuality to share her opions in such a public way.
2009-05-03
14:09:11
2 things:
1. From what I can tell, almost every comment on this blog has been from guys offended or caught off guard by Nicole's honesty. It's amusing--if nothing else.
2. To EHS, I think the point that Brad was making was that analogies are extremely weak devices when used to prove a point. If its as easy to say as you eventually did, then just bypass the ice cream scenario the first time.
2009-05-03
14:09:11
2 things:
1. From what I can tell, almost every comment on this blog has been from guys offended or caught off guard by Nicole's honesty. It's amusing--if nothing else.
2. To EHS, I think the point that Brad was making was that analogies are extremely weak devices when used to prove a point. If its as easy to say as you eventually did, then just bypass the ice cream scenario the first time.
2009-05-03
14:09:11
2 things:
1. From what I can tell, almost every comment on this blog has been from guys offended or caught off guard by Nicole's honesty. It's amusing--if nothing else.
2. To EHS, I think the point that Brad was making was that analogies are extremely weak devices when used to prove a point. If its as easy to say as you eventually did, then just bypass the ice cream scenario the first time.
2009-05-02
00:41:52
I am familiar with analogies. The scenarios were not analogous (in my fine opinion).
2009-05-02
00:41:52
I am familiar with analogies. The scenarios were not analogous (in my fine opinion).
2009-05-02
00:41:52
I am familiar with analogies. The scenarios were not analogous (in my fine opinion).
2009-05-01
19:19:56
Brad:
"Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
O RLY? Are you going to tell me that sex isn't "the same" as ice cream either, Captain Obvious?
Wrap your mind around this:
a⋅nal⋅o⋅gy [uh-nal-uh-jee]
–noun, plural -gies.
1. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
2. similarity or comparability: I see no analogy between your problem and mine.
3. Biology. an analogous relationship.
4. Linguistics.
a. the process by which words or phrases are created or re-formed according to existing patterns in the language, as when shoon was re-formed as shoes, when -ize is added to nouns like winter to form verbs, or when a child says foots for feet.
b. a form resulting from such a process.
5. Logic. a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect, on the basis of the known similarity between the things in other respects.
My point was that the situation that I described (a bad kid being rewarded by his mom after behaving badly) is *analogous* to a woman rewarding a guy who behaves poorly. The point I was making was that in the case of the bad child, you've already rewarded him for bad behavior, which means you've already tossed out standards and a right to expect good or reasonable conduct. If you plop a bowl of ice cream down in front of a screaming kid (a reward - assuming the kid likes ice cream), then why wouldn't that kid ask for more? It's the whole, "give someone an inch and they'll often take a mile" thing.
The same thing goes for Nicole's sexual situation. Obviously sperm is not "the same" as chocolate syrup. I get that, Einstein.
The thing is, if this guy (Kevin) has already managed to get rewarded with coitus (despite behaving like a Cro-Magnon), then why wouldn't he try to get as much out of the deal as he possibly could? Why *wouldn't* a girl expect such a guy to abuse the situation when she's already incentivized his assholery and failed to draw any clear lines in the sand?
-E
2009-05-01
19:19:56
Brad:
"Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
O RLY? Are you going to tell me that sex isn't "the same" as ice cream either, Captain Obvious?
Wrap your mind around this:
a⋅nal⋅o⋅gy [uh-nal-uh-jee]
–noun, plural -gies.
1. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
2. similarity or comparability: I see no analogy between your problem and mine.
3. Biology. an analogous relationship.
4. Linguistics.
a. the process by which words or phrases are created or re-formed according to existing patterns in the language, as when shoon was re-formed as shoes, when -ize is added to nouns like winter to form verbs, or when a child says foots for feet.
b. a form resulting from such a process.
5. Logic. a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect, on the basis of the known similarity between the things in other respects.
My point was that the situation that I described (a bad kid being rewarded by his mom after behaving badly) is *analogous* to a woman rewarding a guy who behaves poorly. The point I was making was that in the case of the bad child, you've already rewarded him for bad behavior, which means you've already tossed out standards and a right to expect good or reasonable conduct. If you plop a bowl of ice cream down in front of a screaming kid (a reward - assuming the kid likes ice cream), then why wouldn't that kid ask for more? It's the whole, "give someone an inch and they'll often take a mile" thing.
The same thing goes for Nicole's sexual situation. Obviously sperm is not "the same" as chocolate syrup. I get that, Einstein.
The thing is, if this guy (Kevin) has already managed to get rewarded with coitus (despite behaving like a Cro-Magnon), then why wouldn't he try to get as much out of the deal as he possibly could? Why *wouldn't* a girl expect such a guy to abuse the situation when she's already incentivized his assholery and failed to draw any clear lines in the sand?
-E
2009-05-01
19:19:56
Brad:
"Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
O RLY? Are you going to tell me that sex isn't "the same" as ice cream either, Captain Obvious?
Wrap your mind around this:
a⋅nal⋅o⋅gy [uh-nal-uh-jee]
–noun, plural -gies.
1. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
2. similarity or comparability: I see no analogy between your problem and mine.
3. Biology. an analogous relationship.
4. Linguistics.
a. the process by which words or phrases are created or re-formed according to existing patterns in the language, as when shoon was re-formed as shoes, when -ize is added to nouns like winter to form verbs, or when a child says foots for feet.
b. a form resulting from such a process.
5. Logic. a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect, on the basis of the known similarity between the things in other respects.
My point was that the situation that I described (a bad kid being rewarded by his mom after behaving badly) is *analogous* to a woman rewarding a guy who behaves poorly. The point I was making was that in the case of the bad child, you've already rewarded him for bad behavior, which means you've already tossed out standards and a right to expect good or reasonable conduct. If you plop a bowl of ice cream down in front of a screaming kid (a reward - assuming the kid likes ice cream), then why wouldn't that kid ask for more? It's the whole, "give someone an inch and they'll often take a mile" thing.
The same thing goes for Nicole's sexual situation. Obviously sperm is not "the same" as chocolate syrup. I get that, Einstein.
The thing is, if this guy (Kevin) has already managed to get rewarded with coitus (despite behaving like a Cro-Magnon), then why wouldn't he try to get as much out of the deal as he possibly could? Why *wouldn't* a girl expect such a guy to abuse the situation when she's already incentivized his assholery and failed to draw any clear lines in the sand?
-E
2009-05-01
17:33:58
"Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
Good to know that you tried it. So did I. Apparently you can change the acrid flavour by eating lotsa celery. I tried it and she said there was a noticeable difference. It wasn't chocolate syrup, but better than angostura bitters.
What is a 60th lvl shaman? Is that some gaming term? Nerds...
G.Ross, the Grossman.
2009-05-01
17:33:58
"Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
Good to know that you tried it. So did I. Apparently you can change the acrid flavour by eating lotsa celery. I tried it and she said there was a noticeable difference. It wasn't chocolate syrup, but better than angostura bitters.
What is a 60th lvl shaman? Is that some gaming term? Nerds...
G.Ross, the Grossman.
2009-05-01
17:33:58
"Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe."
Good to know that you tried it. So did I. Apparently you can change the acrid flavour by eating lotsa celery. I tried it and she said there was a noticeable difference. It wasn't chocolate syrup, but better than angostura bitters.
What is a 60th lvl shaman? Is that some gaming term? Nerds...
G.Ross, the Grossman.
2009-05-01
16:57:57
EHS said: "You seem absolutely stunned that this guy would dare ask to come in your mouth, yet would anyone be that surprised if the little kid (in my example) asked for some chocolate syrup on his ice cream after his mom slapped that ice cream down in front of him, post tantrum?"
Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe.
And those accusing Nicole of "slut"-like behavior simply because she wanted to retrieve SOME joy from an otherwise inept date, simply because she actually enjoys sex: enjoy your puritanism. Your deification of sex is the very reason for the lack of communication and the proliferation of unrealistic expectation in sexual encounters.
2009-05-01
16:57:57
EHS said: "You seem absolutely stunned that this guy would dare ask to come in your mouth, yet would anyone be that surprised if the little kid (in my example) asked for some chocolate syrup on his ice cream after his mom slapped that ice cream down in front of him, post tantrum?"
Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe.
And those accusing Nicole of "slut"-like behavior simply because she wanted to retrieve SOME joy from an otherwise inept date, simply because she actually enjoys sex: enjoy your puritanism. Your deification of sex is the very reason for the lack of communication and the proliferation of unrealistic expectation in sexual encounters.
2009-05-01
16:57:57
EHS said: "You seem absolutely stunned that this guy would dare ask to come in your mouth, yet would anyone be that surprised if the little kid (in my example) asked for some chocolate syrup on his ice cream after his mom slapped that ice cream down in front of him, post tantrum?"
Yo, EHS, sit back while I blow your mind with this one: THESE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME.
Chocolate syrup is not vile to imbibe.
And those accusing Nicole of "slut"-like behavior simply because she wanted to retrieve SOME joy from an otherwise inept date, simply because she actually enjoys sex: enjoy your puritanism. Your deification of sex is the very reason for the lack of communication and the proliferation of unrealistic expectation in sexual encounters.
2009-05-01
14:20:56
Yikes! I would have been freaked out too. A man can only "blow a load"
in a women's mouth (by my standards) when we are hot in love and in a
committed relationship. He was probably looking for the same thing you
were, a hot night in bed, even though the other stuff wasn't working
out. And I hear that, as a once single girl. He just stepped over the
line with that question. Maybe he realized it after the fact. Let's
hope so.
Men need to be taught. Period. Us women are all different. Men should
be open to learning and we should be open to teaching.
And Defcon; don't get so offened by this little blog. There are plenty
of men out there that have "lowered their standards" to get laid. This
is one snap shot of something, not the whole story, not a mental case.
Come on now, sweet heart! My 60th lvl Shaman could totally kick your
butt!
2009-05-01
14:20:56
Yikes! I would have been freaked out too. A man can only "blow a load"
in a women's mouth (by my standards) when we are hot in love and in a
committed relationship. He was probably looking for the same thing you
were, a hot night in bed, even though the other stuff wasn't working
out. And I hear that, as a once single girl. He just stepped over the
line with that question. Maybe he realized it after the fact. Let's
hope so.
Men need to be taught. Period. Us women are all different. Men should
be open to learning and we should be open to teaching.
And Defcon; don't get so offened by this little blog. There are plenty
of men out there that have "lowered their standards" to get laid. This
is one snap shot of something, not the whole story, not a mental case.
Come on now, sweet heart! My 60th lvl Shaman could totally kick your
butt!
2009-05-01
14:20:56
Yikes! I would have been freaked out too. A man can only "blow a load"
in a women's mouth (by my standards) when we are hot in love and in a
committed relationship. He was probably looking for the same thing you
were, a hot night in bed, even though the other stuff wasn't working
out. And I hear that, as a once single girl. He just stepped over the
line with that question. Maybe he realized it after the fact. Let's
hope so.
Men need to be taught. Period. Us women are all different. Men should
be open to learning and we should be open to teaching.
And Defcon; don't get so offened by this little blog. There are plenty
of men out there that have "lowered their standards" to get laid. This
is one snap shot of something, not the whole story, not a mental case.
Come on now, sweet heart! My 60th lvl Shaman could totally kick your
butt!
2009-05-01
13:52:55
Ok...for a lot of the people reading this, the title is "Do I look like a porn star?" What exactly were you expecting to read? In fact, I believe the title of the blog itself is "The Hump". Opinions are opinions, everyone is entitled the them. However, if you are going to attack someone for THEIR blog with their OWN opinions, KNOWING what the subject matter is, by calling them a "slut" or any other choice word, then you are no better. This blog is for entertainment...if you have something to say, write you own.